As with the first two challenges we've been set in the 52 Weeks to Simplify Your Life SYL12, I've found the task of creating a family mission statement not as easy as I thought it would be! As with my values, I'm not confident to commit to a mission statement as I feel like I could come back to it almost on a daily basis and change it. Eeeek! Am I THAT changeable?! What is going on with me?! This whole challenge is really making me sit up and take notice of myself. I thought I was pretty aware of myself (especially the bits I don't like!) however this challenge is stirring up some stuff for me ...... or is it that I'm approaching 40? Hmmmm...... Perhaps it's a bit of both.
So. Our family mission statement, what I want for my family, our 'vibe', the way we do things. The problem with this is, will I be able to live up to it? Yes, I am sad to admit that I think I'm the weakest link. I think I'm the one letting the team down. This is a hard pill to swallow. Or am I, as a girlfriend told me today (and I've heard many times before), WAY too hard on myself? I hope it's the latter.
I've chosen to make our mission statement in the present tense as I feel that will encourage us to live this mission statement now, not some day in the future. So here goes.......
We laugh often and always see the funny side of life
We respect each other's individuality and allow each other to be all we can be
We are polite to each other and listen to each other's opinions
We support each other and accept that we are perfectly imperfect
We always do the best we can for ourselves, our family, our community and our planet
We are honest, kind, generous, compassionate, helpful, fun and awesome! (That last one is my husband's contribution!)
We enjoy a healthy lifestyle with nutritious food, exercise and time for individual passions
We appreciate each day together and freely offer hugs, kisses and the words 'I love you'
And as I suspected, I have a LOT of work to do to live up to this. I'm up for the challenge.
I am sad to say that there wasn't much collaboration with my husband to create 'our' mission statement. This was my fault, not his. We've lost our way a little and that's mostly my fault. I've realised I really don't collaborate with my husband on anything much at all really. All the criticisms I throw at him (either verbally or in my head) are really criticisms of myself........... I really need to 'change the channel' in my head.........
Friday, 27 January 2012
Sunday, 22 January 2012
SYL #2 Define Your Core Values..... uh oh!
This is my second blog post and my fourth attempt at defining my five core values as part of the 52 weeks to Simplify Your Life Challenge! Yep. My fourth attempt. I have found this really difficult. Surely I know what I like and I know what matters to me. Right? So why have I found it so difficult to commit to my five core values? Ok, so now I feel quite silly really. My top two core values are easy, I have no hesitation with them. Numbers three, four and five, well, that's when I start to get stumped.
When I read the challenge for week two of 52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life Challenge I knew I really had some work to do. I need to be honest if I'm going to move forward because where I am right now doesn't feel good and it sure ain't pretty (just ask my husband)! I have deliberately chosen not to read anyone else's posts about values before writing this because I didn't want to be influenced by other people choices. I've realised that I really doubt myself. I've also realised, and I'm embarrassed to admit, that I've quite possibly been living a life based on what I think are my parents values, not my own values.
In attempting to define my values I've also realised that I've never really had a favourite band, a favourite actor/actress, a favourite chocolate or a favourite colour. I can't even say that I have a "best" friend. I have a number of close friends but I can't really put one above the other. I had best friends at school but in my adult life I've never had a best friend. So when I Googled "values" - yes, I had to Google 'values' to get a starting point - I came across a list of three hundred and seventy four values and I kinda felt like ticking all of them! I also came across the words "remember that not all values can be equal. If everything is important then nothing is important". Oh crap! That's what I've been doing! In trying to value everything it seems I actually value nothing. Well, that's a bit harsh but I'm sure you get the idea. A little bit "jack of all trades, master of none" kind of deal. This is exactly the criticism I've been mentally directing at my husband when in fact I'm the one who doesn't really value anything!
For far too long I have been feeling yucky, confused, stuck, lost, uninspired, burnout and angry, among other things. Angry. So very angry. Angry with myself. Angry with my husband. Angry with my kids (after trying desperately trying to hold in my anger and be patient and calm, it just bursts out in such an ugly eruption). Mostly, I'm really angry with myself. Quite simply I am not the 'me' I want to be. I know this is all completely within my control and that just frustrates me even further.
As I'm typing this I realise I'm nervous, apprehensive or embarrassed to define my core values. I feel as though I'm going to get them 'wrong'. I am actually really hesitant to link up for this challenge but I'm going to be brave and do it anyway. I feel awful. How can I not know my values with absolute certainty? My Mum never let my brother, sister and me fight hence, I don't know how to stick up for myself! And in this case, I am afraid to stand up for my values. Sad really. I don't blame my Mum. I'm disappointed in myself for not having a mind of my own and not questioning what is really important to me. I put too much value on my parents' approval and opinion.
It seems I don't really know myself very well. I feel so wishy washy, so unsure, so ...... weak. Having had a discussion with a close friend about the topic of values and discovering that she also struggles with this, I realise I am not at all judgemental about my friend's difficulty in defining her core values; I would never describe her as wishy washy or weak but I'm really critical of myself. Having discovered that I am not alone, I suspect there may be others who are doing this challenge who have also found this difficult. Knowing this gives me permission to give myself a break!
So here goes..... Defining my core values.....
1. Family - This is a no-brainer for me. Family is hugely important to me. I gave up my first career because it meant I would have to be away from my family. I don't want to miss a thing with my kids, I want them to know that our family will always be there for them. I love hanging out with my folks and my sister. I hope my kids will feel the same.
2. Friendship - Another no-brainer. I love my friends. I drop everything to catch up with my friends. It's the reason I have a 'to do list' that is a mile long! No matter what I've got planned for the day, unless it's an official appointment that can't wait, if an opportunity to spend time with my friends comes up, my 'to do list' can wait!
Now I'm having trouble....
3. Health - Mental, physical and emotional health are all important to me and I feel the pressure of raising 'healthy' children. I'm by no means a 'health nut' but I know that whenever I am not well I am reminded of how much I appreciate and value my health!
Now I'm finding it really difficult....
4. Self improvement - I've found it difficult to define this one but I've realised that I'm always looking to learn about, understand and improve myself. I am seeking to be more spiritually in tune with myself and the world and whilst I'm finding this challenge of 'core values' difficult and confronting, I'm brave enough to face it head on and hopefully shift the negativity that has permeated my life.
5. Calmness - I have realised that I really value calmness, internally and externally. This is something that is in direct conflict with having children! Or is it? Calm mummy = calm kids. If only it were that simple! I recognise that if I lose my 'calmness', it pretty much flows straight onto my kids and so begins the downward spiral. I've known for a long time that I really need to get my arse on my yoga mat every single day to practise and meditate and take care of myself to ensure I have calmness. So why don't I do it? This makes me question myself and think that I don't really value calmness. See the self doubt?! It's so frustrating! Or could it be that I actually don't value myself?...... Now that's a whole other post!
So. I've done it. I've defined my top five core values. I'm still not convinced but I'm going to stick with them for now.
When I read the challenge for week two of 52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life Challenge I knew I really had some work to do. I need to be honest if I'm going to move forward because where I am right now doesn't feel good and it sure ain't pretty (just ask my husband)! I have deliberately chosen not to read anyone else's posts about values before writing this because I didn't want to be influenced by other people choices. I've realised that I really doubt myself. I've also realised, and I'm embarrassed to admit, that I've quite possibly been living a life based on what I think are my parents values, not my own values.
In attempting to define my values I've also realised that I've never really had a favourite band, a favourite actor/actress, a favourite chocolate or a favourite colour. I can't even say that I have a "best" friend. I have a number of close friends but I can't really put one above the other. I had best friends at school but in my adult life I've never had a best friend. So when I Googled "values" - yes, I had to Google 'values' to get a starting point - I came across a list of three hundred and seventy four values and I kinda felt like ticking all of them! I also came across the words "remember that not all values can be equal. If everything is important then nothing is important". Oh crap! That's what I've been doing! In trying to value everything it seems I actually value nothing. Well, that's a bit harsh but I'm sure you get the idea. A little bit "jack of all trades, master of none" kind of deal. This is exactly the criticism I've been mentally directing at my husband when in fact I'm the one who doesn't really value anything!
For far too long I have been feeling yucky, confused, stuck, lost, uninspired, burnout and angry, among other things. Angry. So very angry. Angry with myself. Angry with my husband. Angry with my kids (after trying desperately trying to hold in my anger and be patient and calm, it just bursts out in such an ugly eruption). Mostly, I'm really angry with myself. Quite simply I am not the 'me' I want to be. I know this is all completely within my control and that just frustrates me even further.
As I'm typing this I realise I'm nervous, apprehensive or embarrassed to define my core values. I feel as though I'm going to get them 'wrong'. I am actually really hesitant to link up for this challenge but I'm going to be brave and do it anyway. I feel awful. How can I not know my values with absolute certainty? My Mum never let my brother, sister and me fight hence, I don't know how to stick up for myself! And in this case, I am afraid to stand up for my values. Sad really. I don't blame my Mum. I'm disappointed in myself for not having a mind of my own and not questioning what is really important to me. I put too much value on my parents' approval and opinion.
It seems I don't really know myself very well. I feel so wishy washy, so unsure, so ...... weak. Having had a discussion with a close friend about the topic of values and discovering that she also struggles with this, I realise I am not at all judgemental about my friend's difficulty in defining her core values; I would never describe her as wishy washy or weak but I'm really critical of myself. Having discovered that I am not alone, I suspect there may be others who are doing this challenge who have also found this difficult. Knowing this gives me permission to give myself a break!
So here goes..... Defining my core values.....
1. Family - This is a no-brainer for me. Family is hugely important to me. I gave up my first career because it meant I would have to be away from my family. I don't want to miss a thing with my kids, I want them to know that our family will always be there for them. I love hanging out with my folks and my sister. I hope my kids will feel the same.
2. Friendship - Another no-brainer. I love my friends. I drop everything to catch up with my friends. It's the reason I have a 'to do list' that is a mile long! No matter what I've got planned for the day, unless it's an official appointment that can't wait, if an opportunity to spend time with my friends comes up, my 'to do list' can wait!
Now I'm having trouble....
3. Health - Mental, physical and emotional health are all important to me and I feel the pressure of raising 'healthy' children. I'm by no means a 'health nut' but I know that whenever I am not well I am reminded of how much I appreciate and value my health!
Now I'm finding it really difficult....
4. Self improvement - I've found it difficult to define this one but I've realised that I'm always looking to learn about, understand and improve myself. I am seeking to be more spiritually in tune with myself and the world and whilst I'm finding this challenge of 'core values' difficult and confronting, I'm brave enough to face it head on and hopefully shift the negativity that has permeated my life.
5. Calmness - I have realised that I really value calmness, internally and externally. This is something that is in direct conflict with having children! Or is it? Calm mummy = calm kids. If only it were that simple! I recognise that if I lose my 'calmness', it pretty much flows straight onto my kids and so begins the downward spiral. I've known for a long time that I really need to get my arse on my yoga mat every single day to practise and meditate and take care of myself to ensure I have calmness. So why don't I do it? This makes me question myself and think that I don't really value calmness. See the self doubt?! It's so frustrating! Or could it be that I actually don't value myself?...... Now that's a whole other post!
So. I've done it. I've defined my top five core values. I'm still not convinced but I'm going to stick with them for now.
Monday, 2 January 2012
SYL #1 What went right in 2011?
What went right in 2011? Hmmm, this is not something I generally reflect on. "Negative" could be my middle name! So here goes, I'm going to "accentuate the positive".....
The best thing that happened in 2011 was the safe arrival of my long-awaited second child. My intuition was telling me I was having another boy however my three year old son was right on the money; it was a girl! And she is a delight. I feel very blessed to have two healthy children. With this new arrival came the desperate need to 'lift my game'. After becoming a mum (especially the second time), I took a good hard look at myself (and my husband). Being the master critic that I am, I didn't like what I saw given that my children will do as I do, not do as I say. It's been scary. I've been brave.... sort of. I have never really been organised, punctual, tidy or on top of my housework and I've always been a 'last minute' kind of girl. After having my second child I was determined to get a grasp on these aspects of my life as I recognised that these problems were plainly evident in my childhood. So, during a midnight feed with my baby girl, I grabbed my iphone and Googled something about getting organised, or daily routines or household management. I love the internet, you can find anything you want! Since about August I have been working hard on these aspects of my life and I can definitely see and feel an improvement.
Earlier in the year I spent a week in silent reflection, amongst strangers, at a 'healing retreat'. This allowed me the time and space to step out of my every day life and be still and quiet enough to recognise and acknowledge various aspects of my life that have caused me different kinds of pain. I came away feeling calm, peaceful, refreshed, more loving (of myself and my husband) and ready to move forward with a more positive mindset. It didn't last long .... but I'm not going to reflect on that!
I have been lifted up by two beautiful souls who I have reconnected with after almost twenty years. These friendships are supportive, honest, spiritual and nurturing. This has been a highlight of 2011.
Yoga is something that always fills my tank. It is my haven, my sanctuary, my guiding light. When I get to classes I come away floating; I am refreshed, restored, relaxed, positive, loving and wanting to be the best version of myself in every way. I NEED yoga.
I have recognised that I need to lighten up! I need to give myself a break; to just 'be', relax, enjoy, experience, laugh, let go! I don't need to be so hard on myself. Every day is a new beginning. I have discovered that less is definitely more. Things don't need to be so complicated. I am ready to simplify my life. Let the journey begin....
Gemini Mum xo
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